Balance

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There is something precious about the resources we have in our life. They are limited. Just who has endless energy, untold wealth and unending time?

I daresay, not me!

The saying goes, “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” For me, in this point in my journey, I still struggle to discern whether it’s lemons, limes or mangos being tossed my way. That’s the thing when recovering from life altering circumstances – taking the very first step to access where you are. Just stopping. Yes, I said, stop. Take a look around and per chance get a lay of the land. Catch your breath, breathe in as deep as you can (those of us with prior PE’s know what I mean) and take a good look around. Just be still.

That, takes balance. Balance of the precious gifts of time, energy and relationships.

I use to be the type of person who never said, “no,” who rarely looked at a challenge without seeing a wall to scale or a mountain to be climbed. If someone said it was impossible, I found a way to make it possible. It’s who I was. It defined me. Now, it’s what has broken me.

See, now that I have suffered through this journey of blood clotting in my legs and my lungs, otherwise known as DVT’s and PE’s, my resources have been tapped dry. It wasn’t just the blood clotting, no. It was the emotional and relational fallout from serious changes to mind and body. That which we take for granted. That which we often embrace without a second thought. Now becomes an effort. Now takes time. Now takes planning. This has become the most difficult challenge of recovery.

Balance.

As someone who continually has to readjust the scales of resources and how they get dispersed in life, I often pause to ask myself. Just how do I want to use these up? It’s become this conscious effort of examination, reexamination and determination. Quite frankly, it’s turned what I “knew” into something unknown. No longer do I try to make lemonade, I am still busy looking to see if it’s a lemon in my hand. Or looking for a knife to perhaps slice it open with.

What I found was the slicing that needed to take place was, truth be told, was within my very own heart. I needed to be laid bare, before my God, so I could let Him teach me about that which I truly needed.

I use to think it was a lack of faith on my part to be still. I mean, sure, “Be still and know that I am God,” (Isaiah 46:10) I can quote that. But, can I live it? Could I really live this life, this ever renewing, changing, transformational life or stillness before my Creator? I was still looking for those mountains to climb, yet He took away my stamina. Still searching for those walls to scale, yet He took away my eyes to fully see.

For in being still, in true complete stillness, comes surrender. Comes the reality that you cannot handle what lies ahead without a firm grasp of the Creator’s hand. To find that Hand, I must first see it.

Stillness.

My energy is sapped. My time is overextended. My funds long ago dried up. Those areas where I needed balance in my life, I allowed to get out of control. That which needed my attention, I neglected. My relationships suffered deeply. I needed balance desperately, but I needed stillness even more.

I needed, God.

Toss me some fruit and I could juggle them for quite some time. But ask me to be still. The fruit just falls to the ground. My tendency has been to pick it back up. Yet, my God is calling me to be still and let it rot all around me. Watch it fall my daughter. Let it go. And find Me.

Just stop.

Examine your life. Look at where you energies are focused, where your time is spent and where you money flows. Ask Him to help you find the balance in your life, for you.

Then rest.

The invitation is clear. Come. For when you do, the gift if rest. And I know this weary soul sure needs it.

How about you?

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

 

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