I have nothing left. Not an ounce within me.
Seems that all strength and fortitude that’s kept me going has sapped me dry. I stand on the edge of a new change in my life and I can’t begin to even see the horizon, never mind the pebbles at my feet.
It takes all my effort to stand.
I just returned from saying goodbye to both of my children, who are now young adults – embracing their own lives. It’s the true test of letting go in my life. My family can attest that I am not very good at this. I hover like a helicopter parent at times looking to observe and reflect on things heard or said. Analyzing and overanalyzing things already in the past. Letting go means I truly had to do just that – let go.
I had to believe. I had to rely on the ground I had laid. I had to let go of what I had hoped to accomplish and accept the gift of the moment. It was time for me to truly trust – someone.
Rather than myself.
It’s at this point that I could quote a few scriptures and tell you that trusting God and believing Him is the essence of your faith, of my faith – verses like Proverbs 3:5-7 come to mind.
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.” (The Message)
But it’s not that type of blog post today. I’m not here to tell you what to do. In fact, I can’t even begin to think what I will do next. Who am I to suggest to you where you are headed? Who am I to think I have any wisdom to share? I am just a fellow traveller and sojourner. Nothing more.
See my hand raised over here? It’s me admitting that I try to figure it all out. I find one more thing to do. One more way to try to control. One more way to keep myself so busy. In doing so, I am not still enough to hear His voice. Oh how I want to hear God’s voice! I seek Him. I study, I pray, I meditate. I, I, I. See – it’s all about me.
It’s time I look in the mirror. It’s time I face the truth. As long as my life is about me. As long as I focus on what I want to do. As long as the center of my world is me. Will I ever be able to let go?
I am tired of the judgmental spirit that has lurked in my heart. I am convicted the moment I think I have it all figured out and impose that on others, it’s judgement. It doesn’t appear that way at first does it? We think our knowledge and wisdom comes to us through life experiences and it’s our responsibility to teach those around us so that they can learn. But is it?
Our responsibility is to love.
“The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.
Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.” Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”
“No one, Master.”
“Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” (John 8:3-11, The Message)
He came to seek and save the lost (Lk 19:10). He came to open the eyes of the blind (Lk 4:18). He came to offer forgiveness for people’s sins (Lk 7:48). He came – to love. He could have judged that woman caught in adultery. He could have abided by the law of Moses and stoned her. He could have condemned her- but he chose love.
When you let go, it’s not about the training you did as a parent, or the mistakes along the way – or even the accomplishments your son or daughter has now or in the future. No. It seems to me to be about boundaries. It’s not my life to share their stories, or to judge them and tell them what to do. It’s their life now.
Entrust them to God.
Yes, trust. Give them over to Him. Whether your empty nesting like me, or just put them on the school bus for the first time. God has this. Don’t try to figure it all out. Live in moments where faith becomes real and love is alive, embrace it and live in grace. Be a father, a mother, a sister, a brother – a child of grace. Trust that God has a greater plan than you can ever imagine.
14 Replies to “Letting go”
Nicely put. My son just turned 18 Sunday and even though he is still living at home I know that I have to learn to let go even more than I did last year. I too am a hover mother. Lord help me!
Emily, God will guide you as you walk with Him each day. Enjoy each precious moment you can with your son.
Beautifully said! I needed to hear this. Can’t wait to see you!
Thank you Leslie. I needed to say it! 🙂 Can’t wait to see you either!
This is the time you really go on faith….realizing that you trained your child up in the way they should go so when they get old, they won’t depart. They have become butterflies and sprouted wings….now they need to fly. You laid foundations for them.
This is a milestone in your life. Your energies will now go back to Mark and you. It’s like God brings our lives back full circle. My prayers are always with you my friend!! You are precious in the eyes of the Lord. Continue ministering with your words. It is a gift from God. Love you!!!
Robin, I am so blessed by your journey here as we contemplate our God and what He can do. Letting go is something you think you do, or I think I have done until I look at it and realize ~ I was still holding on tightly.
Bless you for your kind words, I love you too!
This is very good, Shelly! I shared it with a friend going through the same thing right now. Thanks for your thoughts. So love reading them! ❤
Thank you Emily! I am so glad you stopped by. I am so blessed by your ministry.
I’ve been thinking about you as you posted on your Pepperdine trip. I’ve been there (literally!) and vividly remember my feelings as this life transition began. Thanks for sharing, and reminding me to fully trust Him – that He has a plan far greater than I can ever imagine!
Barbara, you have blessed me in so many ways. I am so grateful you walk this journey. We hold onto Him and trust as fully as we know how. In the moments we live. Amen to His plan!!
“A fellow traveller, sojourner” to be sure, and passing through, ‘for our citizenship is in heaven.’ Letting go transmutes this essay to this ultimate citizenship.
I am so grateful for having you on this road with me. Someday.